I'm back (and definitely in black!)

As always, during my mad run around routine of a life that I have grown accustomed to I realised it has been almost a year since I wrote in this blog. Having neglected it for so long, I feel it is only fair to fill you in on this past year and all my life has been. And yes as ever, it will be in a list form.

Let's start at the beginning....

CorpTV

My last blog post surrounded the loss of my old job at The Botanical pub in Sheffield. Luckily for me, I found myself another job. And not just any old job, but one which made almost every student who knew jealous. I became the face of CorpTV, a YouTube channel for Corporation nightclub. For those of you who have not had the pleasure of losing their dignities (and probably a white pair of shoes) in this building, I can describe it in three words : black, dark, black. It is full of metal mosher rocker loving madheads and it was my job to walk around with a camera and speak to these intoxicated glorious people. Occasionally I would give away tickets for anything from football matches to three day festival VIP passes and due to their intoxicated state, the footage was always hilarious. One guy famously licked the floor of the club, which makes any new pair of shoes instantly ruined for Sheffield Wednesday tickets, eurgh. Bet he regretted that in the morning. Over 30 of these videos are on their YouTube channel, CorpSheffield and almost every Monday video (along with some Saturday ones) star yours truly. I also began interviewing bands, something which I found out I LOVED and am very proud of. In fact, another nights video ended up going viral on Reddit and received over 30 thousand views. Not bad for a club in the middle of Yorkshire eh! This job was something I had a lot of fun with and am extremely proud of doing, but also it was my first paid camera work and that is something even more exciting.


Champs Sports Bar

As well as the fun and frolics of Corporation, I also began working at another bar. This time in the heart of Hillsborough. Champs was a new opening and so the staff team instantly became like family. I wish I could say it was a dream job, but no bar job ever is. It was however somewhere I was happy to spend my summer, saving up the money to educate myself more and ensure I would never again have to work a minimum wage job. I also got the chance to work with a wonderful manager again, previous runner of The Botanical and all round lad Matt Burgess, who taught me that no matter how much people can moan at me, I will still never eat bacon.

Final Show 

Alongside working two jobs, I had my dissertation to get through. I know what you're thinking, how did I not burn out?! The truth was I never let my jobs affect my university studies. They became my number one priority and my job was the bottom of the list when it came to that. No compromises were ever made and for that I am actually proud. Too many students find themselves without money and have to surrender their education for a bank balance that's not in the red. It's sad, but it happens too often. I consider myself lucky enough to have found stability during my degree, but it's not a risk I would willingly take again.

Anyway, once again I digress. Part of the appeal of my course four years ago was the option to not do a written dissertation. Yes I was good at writing, in fact my highest ever mark from my degree was on a piece of written reflection. However, I am an actor and as an actor, I would like my crowning glory of my degree to be a piece of acting. Call me crazy but I went with my heart. However, now I had to find a play I could fall in love with, which showcased my abilities and fit into a very specific criteria AS WELL AS making sure I could also find three other people who would love it enough to also give up their lives to make it perfect. Not an easy task. Throughout the first three months of 2014, that was my life. And I'd be lying to you if I said it wasn't the most exhausting, tiresome and strictest discipline I have ever given myself. Especially consider the piece I ended up performing was of a sensitive and deeply emotional nature. The piece was based on a play called Extremities by William Mastrosimone and told the story of a woman who is attacked and almost raped by a stranger in her own home. However she takes control of the situation, overcoming her attacker and tying him up, attempting to bring herself to kill him. Her two house mates also play a large part, with each woman representing a different side of the legal system against rape cases. And of course, because I like a challenge, I was the rape victim. I am not ashamed to say I did this piece, even if it may be considered traumatic and offensive to some, because it taught me a great deal about a subject I knew nothing about as well as giving me a moment of true realisation on stage. Every rehearsal would result in aching muscles, bruises and broken voices but at the end of the two shows, I have never been more prouder of my performance and my group. It is true what people say about a dissertation almost killing you and in my case it was very much true as I ended up splitting my lip open during the first show, resulting in me spitting blood all over the stage for the next hour. Despite all that, it still stands as my greatest achievement and something I will never forget.

Sheffield Hallam University

Which brings me nicely to my next point, the end of my degree. After three years as student rep, I finally worked myself up and hit my peak at the right time. I will brag about this for the rest of my life, but I gained a 70 or higher in every module in final year, graduating with a 75.2%. FUCKING YES. (Sorry Mum) I cried when I got my marks back, not just because I knew Id achieved the highest boundary but because it validated all I had given up to attain it. I never went out drinking in final year, I went to bed early, I barely ate and all those sunny days weren't spent in the sun but in my room writing essay after essay, perfecting my spelling and grammar and ensuring I didn't miss marks for silly errors. Throughout my life as a drama student, my writing has always pulled me back from achieving the best marks. My As in practicals were always dragged down by my B or Cs in coursework and it sucked. But now I could stand and say proudly that only half of my final year modules were focused on acting and even then, my written still mattered. I am yet to graduate, as for some reason it doesn't happen till November at Sheffield Hallam, however I am still on cloud nine. Leah Gray First BA Hons Performance for Stage and Screen. Yeah bitch.

121 Pomona Street

And as one journey ended, so did another. Now I was no longer a student, that also meant I could no longer live in my student house. This was particularly hard for me as not only had that place been my home for two years, but it was also home to four of my closest friends. Its not a secret that I loved my house mates and so having to see each of us disperse was hard. In fact, when Charmaine moved away, I sat on her bed and cried for an hour. Joe, Abi, Nathaniel and Charmaine changed me as a person, they taught me humour, respect, love and understanding and all of them will stay in my life for as long as I am breathing. My summer was then spent living in the attic room of an Indian family at the opposite end of Sheffield. Why? Well it was cheap and I needed to save every penny I could get. Plus they were lovely and although I couldn't find myself feeling as comfortable as 121 Pomona, I still lived there with relative content. I firmly believe had I not lived in such a cheap place throughout summer I wouldn't find myself as financially stable as I am now. Thumbs up all round for that choice.

Chester

And so we are back to present day. And the biggest shock of all, I am no longer in Sheffield. The love of my life heart of everything beautiful Yorkshire city is no longer my home. I do not have a job. But what I do have is a secured place on a Performance Practise Masters course at The University of Chester, a new home in the city, three new house mates and enough money to pay tuition (which I saved up for a year for), rent and comfortable living expenses. Right now I am in a place where my head is clear. Summer was one of the most difficult times of my life, I sacrificed almost everything I had in my life to make this move and I doubted my choices for over a month, but now I am here I feel happy. Sometimes you have to give up your love, whether that is your relationship, the city you called home for three years or a wonderful job. But you give them up to pursue a different kind of dream. One where I am surrounded by theatre, acting and academia. And as for all I gave up, I still speak to my house mates on a regular basis, my videos are still on YouTube for all to see and my love... we're still friends and I would never say never. I hope that in a short amount of time, I can look back and remember this moment. Because this is truly the first time my independent thoughts that become reality. I saved a ridiculous amount of money, hunted down the perfect course in the perfect city and now I'm here. Bring it fucking on.

The Botanical.

I'll start at the beginning. A little under a year ago, I applied to work at a pub. It seemed like a nice pub, did really cheap drinks on a Wednesday and was a two minute walk away from my student house. Why not? I thought. So I sent my CV in and got asked for an interview. The only problem being that the interview would be in two hours, I had no printer and no copies of CV to hand. So I did what I thought of first, hand wrote it. Months later, I was told this was the reason I got the job. He must have really liked my handwriting. Shout out to Miss Norton, my old English teacher for that one. Anyway, I was asked for a trial on a busy student night and after working in a very busy and huge capacity nightclub, this tiny pub was a breeze. So the job was mine.

What happened over the next 11 months is something I will never forget. I have always self admitted that I have been part of a particular social group, whether that being in a school, college or even uni. My friends are my friends, close to my heart. They are from various areas and if they were shoved together in a room, I'm not quite sure what exactly they'd say to one another. However, almost immediately I found myself part of this wonderful diverse group of people. Many students, but not all. I felt welcomed without having to prove myself first and honestly, it felt fantastic.  Each person has their own individuality, we all had our definitions, yet together, somehow we worked. And so it went on for almost a year, people came and went but they always seemed to reappear demanding a cocktail when you were at your busiest, the buggers. I will be the first to admit that working behind a bar can be the most mind numbing, stressful and horrendous job you can ever encounter and I should know, I've worked in four of them. Each one different, but each one horribly similar in the level of grumpiness you slowly acquire. Your bitterness becomes most dominant when those awkward customers rattle your bones and you almost throw a drink at them. Of course you never do. You smile and do exactly as they say, which as all people in customer services know can be worse than throwing the darn drink. But despite all of this, this work team never let me get to that stage. I was calmed down and made to laugh until I was no longer bothered by a rude customer. Honestly, the entire place humbled me. Then, after a summer away and a new boss to befriend, the bank holidays started and life went back to normal. Till we got the news our bubble was going to burst in one month's time. I was being made redundant. My beautiful little job with my beautiful little pub friends would be gone forever. Life at The Botanical slowed down.

That last week was surreal. Slowly furniture started moving to different pubs in the area, signs were being erased, quizzes stopped, barrels ran dry. The whole place seemed lifeless. Then the last night happened. It was a Saturday and I was doing the day shift, slowly counting down on a tiny chalkboard my final remaining hours at the job I loved. When I finished I shoved my till key at my boss and ran out, crying as I left the back door. I slowly stopped being a girl, made myself up and headed out to celebrate the last ever night. And boy did we. All I remember is drinking Sambuca, which is in my opinion the liquid of the devil, repeatedly until I couldn't really stand still. The last song that Max the DJ played was an absolute classic, Take That - Never Forget. I turned around to sing and saw each member of staff slowly being lifted on top of the bar. I am not ashamed to say I joined them. I sang my absolute heart out cheering to all the customers, singing and waving my arms around as the choir grew louder. I am also not ashamed to say I was crying when the lights came up. Honestly, I don't think I will ever forget that moment. That night as I crawled in at 4am, I cried again. I honestly think if I wasn't forced out, I would have never left that building.

Now every day I walk past, the shell of a building that once was the greatest job I ever had. Honestly, my heart breaks a little each time. We could have rocked it. But instead it is simply remains. Yet no matter how bad of an opinion some people may have about it, I will always fight its case because to me, that pub taught me a lot and gave me some wonderful friendships. And as for them, well let's just say we claimed the champion title by finally taking part in our own relocated pub quiz. Nobody beats us, the Botan Clan.

Social Network.

Before I begin, I will warn you. This is a rant, and a blooming big one at that. One thing that has really annoyed me recently is the judgemental nature and slander that people make out on social networking sites. Now this is a very small minority, who feel the need to wash their dirty laundry in public, arguing with friends and sometimes even partners on Twitter and Facebook for the whole world to see. Others take a more sneaky approach, doing something I like to call an indirect attack. "The awkward moment that girl you hate tweets you. Byeeee." This is even pettier, because it then brings in more rumour mills and gossip. Is this about you? Isn't it? Oh my god, how could she say that?! Blah blah blah. Okay so people are opinionated, some express it to those around them such as friends or family, whilst others take to a more viral feeding of the rumour mill. But surely that is what the internet is all about?! The mind boggles. But believe it or not, this isn't what bothers me most. As an unwritten rule, social networks exist on those who are involved in it. Twitter wouldn't be what it is without the daily celebrity rantings nor would Facebook be checked nearly as much if that girl you went to school with hadn't just had twins. People generally accept that by becoming part of the hysteria, you are allowing the negativity to follow after. People become keyboard warriors to express opinions they do not have the courage/ability to say to another. Whether that is because they are in different countries or in different rooms, people will always hate another over the internet.

What I hate the most is those people who tweet innocently. Letting everyone know how nice that cupcake was from Starbucks, showing their love for a film they've just watched. Making jokes with their friends. Then along comes the gangsters and one harmless comment made turns into an all out battle of the online bullies. People get involved and the whole thing becomes out of control. People are blamed, judged and outcast purely because they said something which the minority took as inappropriate. My advice to those people is this: you are doing exactly what you say you hate. Attacking someone over a social networking site over their rants is EXACTLY the same as that offensive rant. Something which may have been harmless has now been looped into a debauchery of ridiculous anger. It doesn't need to happen. I'm not saying no one would write their opinions, because if that were true, the world would be incredibly boring. Don't get me wrong, I proudly express my opinions, especially on my Twitter. The internet in modern day Britain is one of the few ways you can show your true individuality and express yourself without fear of judgement. And at the age I'm at now, it certainly isn't something I would like to encounter. But viewing others go through the same, I can't help but feel this tiny one tweet bubble has been blown up so far, it's almost become irreversible in terms of damage. Blocking occurs, Facebook friends become real life enemies and some poor chap who made one comment about his disdain of life has now been left with a virtual criminal record. Those ridiculous threats that One Direction fans send out to haters is a prime example. Instead of threatening others simply because they don't share you views, why not accept that everyone has individual thoughts and feelings. What one may think is heaven, another may find hellish. You can also do the easiest thing and ignore it. That follow button is there to allow you to only see what you want to see and if someone keeps nagging about the same boring thing, then simply click that button again and they will disappear forever. Another beauty of the internet. Not everyone who writes a status is out to get you, so don't jump on the first argument you see. It's not worth it.

If you can't stand the heat, keep off the social network.

Roman Holiday

Some time in early 2013, I evaluated my year ahead and realised many things, one being that I'm going to turn 21. I also realised that as a soon to be 21 year old, I haven't been abroad or even had a real holiday since I was 12. Due to this 9 nine hiatus, I renewed my passport and set out to book a holiday. Dragging the boyfriend along with me too, of course. Instead of the usual giant rant about how beautiful the whole city is, I may as well show you with many, MANY photos. I apologise from the off set at the length of this blog, but you should really be grateful. This is only a selection of the 350+ photos I snapped.

We shall begin with the wonderful Campo de Fiori. Scene to the incredible Campo Market Stalls during the day and endless restaurants, musicians and bars during the night. Luckily for us, it was only a two minute stroll away from our hotel and so we ended up passing through it almost every day, buying some of the freshest fruit I've ever had. I also spent my 21st birthday evening here, dining at a mozzarella bar and having my first taste of Pinot Grigio. For such a tiny square, it sure does hold a lot of memories.

Smiling away after munching the nicest lasagne. We got pretty damn drunk after this mind, as Liam is clearly proving. 

 We also had gelato every single day. Anyone whose ever been lucky enough to try true Italian gelato will know this was not nearly enough. Favourite flavours included pistachio and Nutella. My god yes.

 The next day was the big one. My birthday. Tadah! Wandering towards the Colosseum meant we spotted lots of tourist sights, including... the Teatro di Marcello...

...the synagogue in the Jewish quarter...

  ... and of course, The Victor Emmanuel II monument. It was actually quite hard to look at due to its pristine whiteness and the very strong sunlight. But the details on it were so insane. Yet another sight that is so much bigger than it appears.

After crossing the road at the VEII, by which I mean I ran and screamed avoiding as many speeding cars as I could. I spotted this. It's bloody wonderful isn't it.

Cue even more sights, such as The Arch of Constantine..

And various posing on my part. I did ask Liam for a nice picture, but I think in the end I just gave up and joined in. 

Walking down the long road, I loved seeing all the ruins strewn about. Part of you always wonders about the people that might have lived here way way back. And if they'd ever have known the impact they'd still have on the city. Cue even more posing. One guess what this might be...

Finally, I got to see it. The Colosseum. It has every right to be a wonder of the world, it's just as breath taking as you expect it to be. We paid a little bit extra to have a tour and go to all the places normal tourists couldn't. I almost cried looking down from the very top and seeing such an ancient and glorious ruin. Soppy I know, but I genuinely loved it. If you look, you can see a small part of the floor they'd rebuilt. We even stood there. God that tour was worth every penny, and even then only 8 euros! This was by far my all time favourite part of the whole holiday. I mean c'mon just look at it. 

 I'm obviously being a gladiator. 

  This was actually underneath the main stage of The Colosseum. Apparently it would have been a big smelly bloody mess back when the fights were staged.How ..erm...lovely. I did ask our tour guide if there were any famous Gladiators that he knew of. His answer... Russell Crowe. Don't think I worded it quite right.

Way too many photo bombers for my liking. Anyway, on we went to the Roman Palantine. 

I loved how fresh stream water was flowing from taps all over the city. You just had to find one and fill up your bottle, splash your face or in my case, pose. 

Back then, this was all part of a palace. This area being a grand hall or something. What I loved was how they'd set up various art exhibitions within the ruins, which you can see here. It's the small cluster of bright white statues. It added that little extra something.

And right next door, the infamous Roman Forum. Home to the ruins from some of the biggest temples and buildings in the city.

Visiting the Colosseum, Forum and Palantine were all included in your one ticket and it was valid for two days, which meant you really could explore at your own choosing. We didn't realise this when we booked online but it was a nice surprise. Especially when we walked straight in missing out the giant queue. Hoorah for the internet!

  Also found a quiet little corner and snapped this beauty. What a city.

...well, it was a pretty big Arch. The Arch of Titus to be exact.

This was taken stood at the top of the Colosseum. Right behind is the wonderful Forum.

 The next day was dedicated to spotting those sights that wouldn't require hours and hours of viewing. First stop, Piazza Navona. I adored this place. Full of incredible restaurants, gelato shops and artists painting scenes, animals and caricatures. Did we get a caricature? Of course we did. The artist particularly loved Liam's beard. But who doesn't? 

Next came the Pantheon, home to Raphael's tomb.

And just up the road, the Trevi Fountain. It's surprising how grand and beautiful it is, yet it's tucked in the smallest corner of a street. I still think it should be legal to jump in that thing.

The myth here is to take a coin, throw it behind your back into the fountain and make a wish. Because it's illegal to actually go in the fountain, the floor was full of coins. Here's me and Liam attempting our wishes. Oh, and sorry but I can't reveal my secret wish. It won't come true then!

The Spanish Steps. This photo had to be taken stood in the middle of a very busy road, to which I almost got ran over. Well let's be honest, NO ONE in Italy knows how to drive. I almost cried every time I tried to cross the road. The only thing I wish the steps had was the flowers you always see on photos, but even without them, tourists flocked there.

One last full day was spent at The Vatican. The museums were really interesting and full of artefacts from Egyptian mummies to Greek statues. The Raphael rooms, tapestries and artwork was so detailed and The Sistine Chapel was so beautiful. It's just a shame at how big the crowds were,  I felt like a sheep at some points but that's what you get for visiting the holy land. Unfortunately, you can't photograph in the chapel so you'll just have to imagine how pretty it was.

We spent the evening across the river in the Travestere. The atmosphere was so different from the centre of Rome we'd grown used to, with bars and restaurants full of locals enjoying good food and good company. After dining on the nicest bowl of gnocchi and gulping a lovely glass of white wine, we crossed the bridge and wandered around as sunset approached. Looking at that view, I honestly have never felt happier.

To be honest, I learnt a lot in Rome. Not just about its incredible, interesting and beautiful history and traditions. But also about myself. I fell madly in love with the whole city, the atmosphere, the food. And I had the best company in the world. Me and Liam bonded so much over those five days and I landed back in the UK with a smile, souvenirs and that fluttery feeling of love in my heart. Oh, and the smallest of tans. Thank you Roma, for giving me the best 21st birthday, the fondest memories and a new love for Pinot Grigio. 

Io amo l'Italia, grazie.