Pride.

Despite all the emotional dribble I go on about, I am proud of who I am. I've hit my peak in individuality and I love it. I dress how I want, look how I want and I don't care what other people think. I'm proud of what I've achieved and am still achieving. One of the proudest moments of my life wasn't getting into university, but was the moment when my nana said to me she was proud. I'm independant and can handle money and I proved everyone wrong. I relish that feeling every single day.

PS. Amelie is one of the most incredible films I've ever seen. Beautiful.

Individuality.

Recently, someone said 'tell me something about you.' I was honestly stuck for ages trying to think of things that make me, well, me. This is my list as of this moment.

I'm 5 foot tall, which is rather small for a 20 year old.

I'm scared of springs, up to the point where I almost cry if I touch one. 

I don't believe in something unless it's proven to me. Ghosts included.

I don't care about my sock pairs. I wear odd ones every day.

I'm a spelling Nazi. Spell it right or not at all. 

Yet, somehow I fail miserably at grammar.

I was born on 6th of the 6th, at 6 minutes past 6 on the 6th day of the week. 

Safe to say, 6 is my lucky number.

I swear too much, except when around my grandparents.

When someone affects my life, I find it hard to let them walk out of it.

When I left college, I hated the idea of going to university.

My motivation was that I hated too many people in Scarborough.

I didn't care where I went and I changed my choices three times.

I got very lucky with Hallam.

I'm a student rep, which I actually love. It makes me look good.

If people name a band I've not heard of, I always nod and agree anyway.

I still don't know what I want to do with my life.

When I was little, I used to sulk at the bottom of the stairs.

I've only had one operation in my life, which was on my mouth.

I had a drain put in my neck and my back teeth taken out.

I have a small scar just underneath my jaw bone.

The only physical feature about myself I like is my eyes.

I have six tattoos, three of which are birds.

When Im bored, I empty my drawers out and refold all my clothes.

My nickname at school was Lemo, due to being a self confessed emo.

Music makes me feel less lonely.

I get jealous of people who remind me of myself.

Oh, and at one point in my life...

I thought it was acceptable to wear a Gareth Gates tshirt. I'm not proud.

Affection.

This photo has been on my wall since the first day I moved into student halls. I think it's the kind of photo that doesn't mean anything, but at the same time you can say so much about. It makes me think of a handful of things, one being my family, especially my little sister and how much I miss them. It's okay running off to a fancy city and being independent but sometimes all I want is my Mum's rubbish attempt at Shepard's pie, my Dad telling me about his lorry trips that week and Danielle driving me mad with questions.  There are some days when I get so home sick, but it just makes it that much more lovely when I do venture home. This photo also reminds me of the one thing I don't think I could live without: affection. Everyone needs a cuddle and a loving kiss from time to time, or just to be told how much they mean to someone else. I am definitely one of those people. I need to feel loved by someone, or everything else just seems to be a little less sparkly. And that's why this is on my wall. I look at it and think of my beautiful friends or my wonderful family. And I feel warm.

Wrinkles.

Growing old gracefully is something I definately want to do. I'm not one for surgery to try and keep my youthful looks, I want to look back in 20 years and say to my kids, "Yes, I did used to wear a different bandana in my hair every day." I like to think my style will never change with the times but that instead I'll be one of those cool people who dresses how they choose to. I love my individuality and my ever growing and developing fashion sense. And laugh lines, well they won't be wrinkles, more permanent little reminders of the life you've lead and how much fun it was. Wrinkles are the way forward.

Forgetfulness.

When memories become painful or negative, I do lock them away in a little box in the back of my mind. And they are rarely seen again. They become an old toy I used to love but can't bring myself to throw away, so up it goes in the attic. My memories go into my brain attic. And there are some there. Many to do with people or the way I felt at a certain point in my existence, but sometimes they do worm their way back down, I call that a relapse. All the feelings you hid away and never dealt with come back and bite you in the ass. You're left to spend a day crying your eyes out, desperate to rectify the situation or wonder what has become of your life. Then like a wave, they disappear again, your barriers form back up and you become who you always were. Sometimes I do wish I was forgetful, that way my relapses wouldn't happen. I could stay in my own cloud and live how I choose, ignorance is more than just bliss in this world.. it's freedom too. 

Absence.

Through recent events, I have learnt this the hard way. Those I miss the most are those I know I won't ever see again, unless it's through accidental circumstances. And that does hurt. But sometimes, your own actions aren't enough to bring back something or someone which has become lost in your life. No matter how much you wish it could be.

Doodles.

Positivity hides in the smallest of forms.

Feelings.

One of the things I don't like about myself is how lonely I feel when I don't have affection. It's stupid really, but it keeps me feeling loved. This year, I've had it rough to say the least. But at the points where I've felt vulnerable and alone, my friends have always been there for me. Whether that's travelling 75 miles to spend a weekend with me or just coming round and watching a film, I've never felt alone. And that makes me truly lucky. Each and every friend I have means the world to me. Thank you.

Disillusioned.

Sometimes the best things don't happen in your life. It doesn't go the way you expected, and you become stuck. But it is the people who stay in it, that make it wonderful. And I know this for a fact. Even when you feel you have nothing, you always have something. Someone who loves you and cares for you. All you have to do is open your eyes.

Friendships.

I used to be the kind of person who held a grudge, even if many of those grudges were more than validated. But things happen and you're suddenly reminded that you're human and life doesn't always work out the way you plan, so why use the life you have with people who won't care for you and treat you right? Even if someone has been in your life for 1 year or 10 years, they won't always be the person you want them to be. Or who they used to be. And that applies to me too. I would never change who I am to make someone else happy. It's false and untrue to myself.

Recently I learnt, never waste your time with those who aren't grateful to be sharing it. No matter how much they meant to you. Sometimes, your validation for making the right decision is when you attempt to be the better person and form a civility. If they throw that back in your face, they were never worth it to begin with. And you're simply proving to yourself how mature you've become. 

Thoughts.

I'm the kind of person who does sit and wonder, but never for long. I take the bull by the horns, bite the bullet, blah blah blah. There is no point in sitting and thinking 'what if?' with life. Just live it. Risk it. Sometimes the only thing you will lose is that worry. And that is never a bad thing. And you never know, sometimes by speaking up and being honest and truthful, how you feel may actually help you get to where you want to be. It's about being brave and a taking a chance. 

Courage.

My most powerful action of the day.

Gary and Luc.

Friends.

I lost my dignity several times last night, due to cheap peach schnapps and a lack of regular alcohol consumption. However I will say one thing, my nights out (however short they may be) are a million times better with this bunch. No matter where we go, or which one of us ends up on the floor, I always have a brilliant night. My course and even those who tag along, are by far the most outrageous and hilarious people I know. Tomorrow is my last day as a first year student and I can't believe how ridiculously quick time has flown. But September will arrive and I'll be back, with this lot being just as fun as always. Have the greatest summer guys, I blooming love you all.