Essex.

This week was my reading week. A precious seven days that university give you in order to catch up on missed work, lecture notes, deadlines, tutorials and of course, reading. But, like 99% of students, I took the opportunity to take a break and run down to Essex to finally see my boyfriend's humble abode. (Before you judge me, because I'm such a nerd I'd already completely my essays and work before hand.) After a whirlwind romance lasting almost four months, I have yet to venture down and see his home town, despite him staying at both my houses. And so, I booked a ridiculously cheap mega train, packed an overfilled bag (which broke just as I stepped onto the tube, damn it) and a pack up full of treats. This is what I learnt.

On Monday, I learnt that Essex can be lovely. Epping Green especially. But of course, it comes at a price. Driving past a building project, I noticed a sign that said "One bed flat. £185,000." My eyes almost dropped out of my head. With that kind of money, a person could buy my five bedroom student house PLUS my three bedroom house back in Scarborough. Beauty is money down south.

On Tuesday, I learnt that my hair looks phenomenal when it is curled at the end. And that a certain London restaurant serve some wonderful Italian food. I learnt that Wicked is just as brilliant as it is hyped up to be. I also learnt that I'm incredibly lucky to have the boyfriend I do, for he surprised me with all these things, even after I refused to venture out due to a wardrobe crisis. You girls reading this will understand my dilemma in that area. No shoes to match my dress. Scandalous. Annnnnyway, I digress. It was one of those perfect days where you feel grateful for the people you have in your life and the happiness you feel.


On Wednesday I learnt that the food beefeater serve is very nice and that others share my impatience but can voice it far better than I ever could. I also learnt that the boyfriend's family are just like him, hilarious and incredibly loveable. I learnt that Primark cashiers in Harlow have very little common sense, for flirting with me and then asking if my boyfriend was my dad. Why flirt in front of a girl if you think her dad is stood next to her, and why do so with a girl who you've just suggested must be very young. I will never understand this. I learnt that almost every person in Harlow looked at me very strangely the moment I began speaking in an accent that wasn't matching to theirs. I also learnt that Truly, the energetic doggy really does like attention, for if you give her none she will lick your face until you do so.

Thursday was my most educational day. I learnt that King Du deserves the reputation it has. I was presented with the most humongous plate of noodles, Chinese leaves, pork, carrot, chicken and endless other things. It was delicious and one of the cheapest Chinese meals I've ever bought. I also learnt that after seven years, I can still play golf fairly well, even if I only used a 7 iron due to height issues and always curved to the left. I think I may have to pick up my old clubs and give it a good go again. I also learnt that approval of friends is vital to fitting in with group. This, I hope I achieved.

And Friday, the day I write this. Today I learnt that in St Pancras Costa you can buy giant custard creams for £1.35 and they are incredible. I learnt that trying to write on a train is very difficult. I learnt that Japanese old men like to take luggage off the racks and stack them up exactly the same every twenty minutes, simply to pass the time. I learnt that I am weak when it comes to carrying anything. I learnt that I can pretend to be from London with an oyster card. I learnt that I am no longer scared of the underground as long as I get it with someone else (yes, okay, that is cheating.) I also learnt that I met some wonderful people down south and although it has many different elements compared to my beloved Yorkshire, including an accent where everyone sounds like Ray Winstone, I loved my time down here.

Right, off to put the kettle on, to drink a Yorkshire tea. Unfortunately this one has a normal size custard cream included. Darn.

Ramblings.

And now, for something completely different. An update as it were. Instead of rambling though, I feel photos will do it justice. And so, here goes.

I finished my summer working at Babylon. Yes, I did gain back my sleeping pattern. I haven't stayed up later than 2am since my last shift. But I miss everyone immensely. I do still listen out for when anyone mentions the crazy drunken night they had there and brag that I was once, a crew 90's member. And occasionally I still run in and hug everyone. To all those I met, you are wonderful. To those who hired me, thank you for the best, if most tiring summer of work ever. And to everyone I ever served, grumpy or otherwise, I hope that I made your night enjoyable. I will always be a Crew 90's member, at least until the doormen force me out of the building. 

Coincidentally, as well as the summer ending, so my second year at Sheffield Hallam began. I got back my best friend, Charmaine, who abandoned me to go back home for the summer. I realised how much I love studying and that essays are actually a good thing, especially the satisfaction of printing it out and handing it in to floor 11. I learnt my housemates are beautiful people, inside and out. And I learnt that no matter how close I live, 3 KFC's in one week is just too much for my belly to handle.

I rekindled my acting light with Duck Stranglers Part II. I rejoined the master group, this time with photo evidence, to act out the play I worked so hard on in the summer. I reminisced with Rob, Bill, Kyle, Maddie, Kyle, Neil and of course, John Godber and felt the thrill of a crowd watching every word I say. I reminded myself that I want to do this forever.

I got a new job at The Botanical pub. Back to pulling pints the old fashioned Yorkshire way. I also was given the task of decorating for Halloween, which I did with great enthusiasm. I also covered myself in fake blood for the night, which was fun. This however stained my face and I had to appear at university the next day with a dribble on red coming from my mouth and two very pink cheeks. Not so fun.

I also took Char to see Benjamin Francis Leftwich for her early 21st. She loved it and I became converted. He's very down to earth, honest and charming and his live band were incredible. I felt so alive stood there watching him, even more so when he unplugged and whispered his song to a singing crowd. A beautiful moment and a wonderful guy.

I also learnt how to make a vegan cake. Introducing the Ooey Goeey extravanganza. With not a single trace of butter, eggs or chocolate, it was the nicest thing I've ever eaten and has inspired a hand written Vegan Book of Love, which is currently in production from myself and Charmaine. Yes, its true.

I also learnt how to be funny. This includes laughing at myself a lot, moaning about life and dressing up as a ten pound note in the student union.

I was reunited several times with Liam. He convinced me to try Nando's for the first time, ever. I am now an addict, card stamped and everything. No words needed to describe this moment. I'm very very happy.

And so I conclude, my life is random. But I wouldn't change it for the world.

Past.

Yesterday was a strange day for me in many ways. I was on the 82 bus, equipped with a bag of purchases from the city centre, two Belle De Jour books from Central library in my backpack and the rosiest cheeks I've had all year. It was freezing. I remember most of the morning passing by in a bored blur. I like to wander on my own, around Sheffield, sometimes shopping but sometimes with no purpose. Yesterday was one of those days.

As I got on the bus, I was suddenly reminded of the voice of someone from my past. It was so vivid and before I realised, their entire persona appeared in my head. Every memory flooded back, their laugh, the way they used to walk, even the bad times. And it made me miss them. They were the last person who appeared from nowhere and changed my entire world. And then it all fell apart. Now, we barely speak and when we do there is still tension. We're both different people, opposite from the people we used to be. I knew deep down in myself that even though I was healed, a part of me that wanted to reminisce still wondered about them. I shrugged it off and carried on with my day.

Yet, hours later, I still fell odd. I wanted to speak to them and ask so many questions. They still appear on my news feed, things still happen I want to tell them about, they are still living the life I gave up when I moved away. But I didn't speak to them. Instead I asked someone who I knew would be honest. He is a friend of a friend and despite the fact we haven't spoken for a while, I knew he'd be brutal. I asked him one question : why the fuck do I still care when I've accepted what happened. Why, when I know I've let go of the feelings I had, does my gut feel empty when I notice his presence? And this is his response.

"The pain is what proves what was there was real. As far as I'm concerned, the key is to realise, and accept that... just cos it didn't last forever doesn't mean it wasn't real, or right, or what you needed at the time. You might not be right for each other forever, but that doesn't mean you weren't right at that time and space. "

So much was answered then. Everything I thought or presumed was confirmed and I was reminded that I am human. Sure, now it may all seem silly. People may label me as being someone who refuses to let him be happy, even if I am. Something I am far from doing. The fact of the matter is, that no matter how you move on from a relationship, friendship crumble or even family feud, you are still human. The fact you care, a year or a decade down the line, shows that you are not an emotionless shell. And if you have those days when you wonder what all went wrong, they probably do too. The key is to keep smiling, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and surround yourself with those people who love you. You can have a happy life with someone else, but you were never the first. And neither were they. And it doesn't matter. Soul mates aren't a single individual. Instead, they are someone who touches and blesses your life, changing you for the better. It might not stay idyllic forever but if it does, that's when it's the best. The person you have now should be your new start. No comparisons.

So, to the person I missed yesterday, I hope you know this :

I'm proud that at some point in my life, we were right for each other. And that thought will stay with me. If we're civil, best friends or never speak, negativity and anger won't be associated with you. Simply memories.